Disbelief

pressed behind my eyes,

the last of my inner thoughts.

the pressure that moves in a juxtaposition,

leaves me fragmented in a deep field of, a

long time aggravated dream of lost hope.

my loose-leaf sheets begin to blow effortless

in the wind, and my eyes close to feel the

freshness, the evaporation, the peace of mind within.

nothing is leaving me but the ill words, the past have-nots,

and will dos, no one can seem to feel the uncomfortable,

unless its a foot in the wrong shoe.

 

I just want to drift away and fantasize of better days,

where my memories aren’t slayed, by the lost and the decay

of modern society which entices me to pray, for the

lush and lavish and words i cannot say.

losing my temperament, i am. i am. i am.

seen, alive, uplifted, transcribed, long hosed,

loose leafed, transgressed and often shy.

dreams and fallacies, cause me to lose sleep,

often thought off by human nature, the things that

make me weak like, soft tears billowing down a rose petal,

and single drop that’s heavy like concrete.

 

i am. i am. i am. reconnecting, my lost hope.

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Heart Shaped Line

The heart shaped line, placed delicately,

intricately over your breast bone. It lingers,

and wonders– placing a wholesome view, slowly

into my retina. Tracing a long line, I am halted,

tears falling like heavy rain, I am wilting.

 

This heart shaped line, how it reaches out to my fingertips-

pen in hand, ready to exposure, but I’m not-

crashing close together like metal upon metal, and

my hands melting, weeping at this sight of this line,

because it haunting…all i ever wanted to do was–

hold you. Placing me back at stage one, I am willing-

Palms up. Arms out, Soul open.

Nothing Looks Prettier Than Fresh Tears.

Nothing looks prettier than fresh tears,

they’re splattered like, cool liquid across a flat surface-

bubbling up, gushing over, watching me…

spilling onto your white shirt. I’ve wanted to tell you–

the languid look in your eyes, pedals me, gives me,

that motivation. Trust me,

nothing looks happier

than lying mouths. Lipstick that smears across–

spread like soft butter, its a sickness…the deceit,

the malicious, the spiteful.

And even though, your daggers pierce me,

cross me, touch me fluidly, i cant always say I’m sorry,

because nothing looks more beautiful, than when you smile.

New Found Light.

I’m losing patience with myself. I’m trying to love myself more but i don’t feel like I can because I don’t have the courage and the support I would like. I let people i care about affect me the worst. I just want to be understood in the way that he can’t. Constantly I’m hiding behind a facade because he wont understand me fully. he proved it last night and today. so i understand that i cant be the person that i am now. the person that i’ve grown to be over the years. the person groomed by unfortunate events and living situations. so how do i keep a relationship? sacrifice. i’m sacrificing everything, because i know that i cant do better. if i could, i wouldn’t have this as my journal. i want to channel everything i have into better positive thoughts and mold myself into a better me. it’s very tiring, but in the end you really only have yourself. you really do.. i’m going to this interview and call a potential job back. i have new-found light, i’m just wondering how long will it shine.

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