Oh My…

So this week is starting off interesting. I already cant stand the situation that I’m in. My baby’s father is working off pure emotion to spite me using my son in the process. I messed around with my best friends gf. Nothing happened. We just kissed. Even so I’m feeling so guilty about everything thats happened but at the same time I dont. I mean he lies to me just like he lies to every other woman. its so funny cause he’s the epitome of the kind of guys I just would not date. Then I realize that I we arent dating. We are friends with benefits. I feel stupid cause I fell for it, but its cool because I was vulnerable. Its sad because it wont be like that for anyone else. Back to roadblocks and the old me. And I was good as shit.


I cant help but feel turned on by what he does to her. What he says to her. He tells her he missed it, but i know what he really thinks. Is it bad that I like the fact that he may have fucked her before I kissed him? That there may be something left on him when I kiss him below his waist? Is this desperation? No, this is better. the voyeur in me, the love for lust. It overwhelms me. I am overwhelmed. He kissed me goodbye this morning. Does that resonate with my emotions? No. I am female, but I know what this is and I am okay. I cant lie, it does hurt sometimes, but I just have to remember. 


His gf did touch me though. She was lonely, I am lonely. Our company became something blissful and I gave into lust. She bit me till I came. (by my own hand of course) I want to say the way she held me, the way she gave me her fingers when I asked her to. This life I’m living. I swear its moving all to in stop motion cameras.