I feel like starting over. Like this time that I’m going through is helping mold myself into someone better than I currently am. I’m finding clarity in the things that I did not see before. It’s so unsettling to know that so many people are always trying to steal your joy and happiness from you. Its a constant occurrence that used to leave me blinded by doubt and anger. Now that I’m growing and I’m seeing, I realize that its just pointless to be upset at something you cant control. that these people are unhappy, spiteful and mean. I dont want any part in that at all. Not to mention I dont want my son growing up like that. Judgmental, thinking that he can just treat people any kind of way because they think theyre right. And yes, it hurts, it hurts badly, but I know that these people will see because its not hurting me now. Its hurting them in the future.
As much as I want to cry, I’m turning my life around. I’m seeing what everything is for what it is. Awake while blinded carries me nowhere unless I’m guided by faith. It’s all I have and its all I need. If no one will love me, if no one will care, need or have me, I know God will. And this is a faith that I have no problem defending. It hurts though to be treated like this. It hurts to be looked at like trash, but God is doing this for a reason. he has to be. This is something that occurs in everyday life. I love my son and if they really feel they have to use him against me as a way to hurt me, its fine. I will persevere. I’m starting over my life clarity, love and positivity.